Tuesday, 26 May 2009
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Happily Ever-After?
A wise woman builds her home,
but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
Proverbs 14:1
Over the past couple of years I've watched two wonderful women with beautiful families destroy their homes with their own hands. Homes deserted, children abandoned, husbands devastated. Obviously, if these women weren't professing Christ-followers, I wouldn't be so shocked and heartbroken by the ordeal(s). After all, we live in a fallen world, and without Christ, how could we ever hope for 'happily ever after'? But for those of us who know Him, these things ought not happen.Where did it all go wrong? Will we ever really know? How can we avoid this in our own lives and families? How do we 'help', when we see this happening to someone we love?
Sometimes there are more questions than answers. But there are a couple of verses and ideas that come to mind.
- It's a sign of the times: Matthew 24:10-12 tells us that in the last days, we will turn on each other, our love for Christ will grow cold.
Many will fall from the faith; they will even betray their brother.
Instead of loving you'll find - hatred for one another.
The false prophets will soon arise and lead many astray.
And due to lawlessness increased - men's love will die away.
A false prophet doesn't have to be a pastor - it could be a 'counselor' who says something like: It's okay, if you're not happy you should get out of that relationship. You deserve to be happy. And if that husband, family, home, car, job, whatever - isn't' making you happy - move on! Or with regards to having a bad temper, they say something like: It's okay to get upset - look what you lived through - you're a victim of your circumstances. No one can fault you for flying off the handle now and then. We all need to 'vent'. Or my very favorite twisted message: "you can't love others until you learn to love yourself". Okay, I could preach a whole week on that one alone! We'll save that gem for another time.
What that 'counselor' is doing, is giving you license to sin. Yes, I used the "S" word! The truth is we all deserve hell! Because we are all sinners, and have missed the mark, we deserve to be cut off from God eternally (that is the true definition of hell). But because God loves us more than we can ever imagine, He gave us a way out. Through believing in His Son, we are given mercy (don't have to go to hell- don't have to live through hell on earth) and grace (we get to go to heaven - we can experience abundant life NOW!).
The verses in Matthew continue on to tell us that those who endure to the end will be saved. So it's not just a one time thing. We believed and were saved, yes. Now we are walking out our salvation, each and every day. As we endeavor to live a life worthy of the mercy and grace we have received, we touch other lives whether we are conscious of it or not. - It's a matter of priorities: Matthew 6:25-34 tells us that that we worry WAY too much. What we need to remember is that God has it all under control, we need only look to Him for our wants, needs & desires.
Therefore don't be concerned about what food you have to eat,
nor worry about what you drink or if your clothes are neat.
For all these things the Gentiles seek, but your Heavenly Father knows
If you seek first His Kingdom, He will provide all of those.
Don't be anxious about tomorrow, leave it upon the shelf
Each day has its own kind of trouble, let the future take care of itself.
A long time ago I learned to align my priorities with God's priorities: God, Family, Job, Ministry. In that order; always.
1. God first. My relationship with Him is my lifeline. I can do nothing apart from Him. (John 15:5) I can do ALL things in Him who gives me strength. (Phil 4:13). The very first place we get off track is when we start thinking that we know better than God. "This can't be God's will for my life - I deserve better". That happens as soon as we have a shift in priorities. No longer are we asking God what He wants for us - but telling Him what we think we should have. Rule #1 - God first! Rule #2 - When in doubt, see Rule #1!
2. Family Second. God gave me this family as a gift. After my relationship with God, my family is my very next priority. When I am old and gray - my job, my boss, my car, my house will not be sitting by my bedside offering me words of comfort. If I have honored my family by putting them ahead of all my 'worldly' possessions and priorities, I can trust that in the last days, they will be there for me.
3. Job Third. My place of employment is a gift from God to provide for my family. It is not who I am, is it not where I get my identity. It is where I am able to provide for my family and give back to the causes the Lord leads me to support. It is a place where I can shine for Him, by loving on my coworkers, whether they deserve it or not. (Hint: we've already discussed what we deserve!)
4. Ministry Fourth. Ministry takes on many forms and shapes. It could be driving the car pool, being a soccer Mom, leading a scout troop or bible study, feeding the poor, visiting the elderly or shut-in, or letting someone who is obviously in a hurry go in front of you at the grocery store checkout lane. All good things, but all things that come AFTER you've had quiet time with the Lord and you have cared and provided for your family. What good is it to feed the poor, if your family has to fend for themselves for dinner? How honorable is it to lead a bible study, if you've screamed at your spouse all day and slammed the door on the way out? These things happen, when our priorities are out of whack. - It's a cry for help: Galatians 6:1-5 tells us that that when a brother or sister is under a heavy load we are to help bear one another's burdens. So when we see this happening, we are not to just sit on the sidelines and watch the car wreck, so to speak. We can try to talk to our friend and offer an outstretched arm and a shoulder to cry on. But it is also our duty to share God's perspective on the situation, or we are no better than the 'false prophet/counselor' mentioned above. Sometimes the friend doesn't want to talk, lest we talk some sense into them. They have either already made up their mind as to what we are going to say - or made up their mind as to what they are going to do. This will be obvious when we get a cold shoulder or worse, a biting retort: "I really don't think this is any of your business" or the all time favorite "don't you judge me". Ouch! Very often they get the desired result, we back off and leave them to figure it out alone.
But there comes a time when you may have to stop talking to your friend about God, and start talking to God about your friend. Here's a quote from Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life, which I keep on my computer monitor so I see it daily:
Prayer is the most important tool for your mission in the world. People may refuse our love or reject our message, but they are defenseless against our prayers. Like an intercontinental missile, you can aim a prayer at a person's heart whether you are 10 feet or 10,000 miles away.
I'd like to be able to say that I don't know where these women are coming from; that I have no idea what's going through their minds. The awful truth is that I do. Been there. Done that. And by the grace of God woke up before the nightmare was over. I know, personally, that the war being waged in households across the world is very real. The battle is for keeps, and the enemy fights dirty. His job is to kill, steal and destroy, creating as many casualties of war as possible. And is some cases he is winning.
There is only one way to win this war. James 4:7 says:
Submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.Submit yourself to God. You know what is right, do it! It doesn't matter how you feel. Feelings are emotions and they can't be trusted. Emotions change, because they are... emotional!
Your feelings are not bound by whether something is real or imagined. If you watch a sad movie you.... cry! If you watch a funny movie you.... laugh! If you watch a sweet, sentimental movie you... sigh! All of which were emotions created for you in Hollywood. If your 16 year old is a half hour late coming home with the car and not answering the cell phone, you are SURE they are in a ditch, bleeding to death. Not TRUE - but evoking emotions none the less!
Your feelings are not bound by whether something is current, past or future. If an old memory comes back, you react as if it were a fresh wound. You might be daydreaming about your 6 year old child's future wedding and get all misty. This is why we can not trust feelings - they can be false, they can change, they can be influenced or manufactured. If we submit ourselves to God, we put the past, present and future in His capable hands, and we can breathe a deep sigh of relief. If we know and trust that He has our best interests at heart. (He does.)
Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Don't go there. Know your triggers and avoid them, physically, mentally and emotionally. If a certain place makes you feel like you deserve more - flee that place! (The Mall, a movie or TV show, a magazine you're reading, a website, a 'friend' or coworkers comments - and don't get me started on romance novels a.k.a. soft porn!). If certain thoughts take you down a road you don't need to be on - flee that place! We need to learn to take every thought captive. See earlier post on this topic - July 19, 2008Bottom line: (I'm a bottom-line kinda girl) We know what is right to do. If we don't do it - that's sin! James 4:17
©2009 Deby Lantz-Sørensen
Give us this day, our daily bread,
On you we do depend.
Deliver us from the evil one,
Forgive our sins again.
Incline our ears to hear Your word,
Remind us of your ways.
Secure in us a future bright,
Trusting you all of our days.
©1997 Deby Lantz-Sorensen
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